Which side do you live on? «Speaking» ‡ «Listening» ‡ «Recalling» Spencer Xavier Gabbiani (Page best viewed at 1024x768 resolution, 24-bit colors or greater) « Webbed In  ‡  A Slice of Heaven » « Classified ‡ Wanted: Dead or Alive » « Long Ago ‡ Days Gone By »

"Lamentation," I said. 2/7/05 09:34am « What I hear:  What I feel:  scared » « What I hear:  What I feel:  Green Day - Rest » Uncle Bill (my late uncle's son) asked me at the wake on Thursday night to be a pallbearer. He said that my great uncle wanted it to happen, and though nervous, I obliged after a few reassuring words from my father. The funeral was bittersweet, to say the least. I spent quite a bit of time in the car, waiting an hour to arrive back in East Brunswick for the process to start. After we all stopped at the funeral home fairly briefly, before we began the procession to a church in Edison, I stood upon the left side of the casket. In front of me was my father, and behind me, my Uncle Gary (dad's brother). On the other side were my three cousins (Uncle Bill's grandchildren). Jonathan was in front, followed by Scott, and then Matthew. On the way in, a bagpiper was playing "Amazing Grace," and as such,I almost lost it. It was very poignant, and I found myself biting my lip to keep from crying as we walked into the church. After about an hour (at least, it seemed like it), we hopped back into the car and followed the procession all the way up the NJ Turnpike to North Arlington, NJ (for those of you who aren't familiar with the town, it's right next to Lyndhurst and Rutherford). We went to the cemetary there (where, consequently, there are a few other relatives buried as well) and parked, and then entered a large mausoleum-type building. The priest there gave a short, but maudlin speech, and we walked up to pay our final respects to William J. Valia. So vividly will the image of walking by that casket and touching it lightly as I walked by, stopping briefly as I did to allow a few tears to fall from my eyes. It was, as I said, bittersweet; I broke my stride for a moment, only to let a few much-needed tears to escape my closed eyes. I can remember the exact look on my grandmother's face when she walked up to her brother's casket; it was distraught, broken. Never in my life have I seen that woman cry, and when I did, it destroyed me. I never had to deal with that feeling of seeing such a woman cry, and when I did, I was ill-prepared, to say the least. After the final respects, we headed to a fairly elegant restaurant for the repass. The food was all right; as good as it could be, given the circumstances of attendance. Before I end this entry, I would like to show to you all the message on the back of the commemorative cards we received before we left. In Loving Memory of William J. Valia, Sr. June 8, 1933 January 31, 2005 LOVE LIVES ON Those we love remain with us for love itself lives on, and cherished memories never fade because a loved one's gone... Those we love can never be more than a thought apart, for as long as there is memory, they'll live on in the heart. And finally, to close, a song. Rest Hey, can you hear me? I'm calling your name Hello, or is this goodbye? That gleam in your eye, it troubles my brain Will I see it again? So I can rest my head Angel! Angel! Dancing away, As all of my thoughts get rearranged Angel! Angel! Turning away, Just when things seemed to have changed So I can rest my head Hey, can you hear me? I'm calling your name Hello, or is this goodbye? That gleam in your eye, it troubles my brain Will I see it again? So I can rest my head So I can rest my head 1 sacrifice ‡ give yourself up

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"You know what? It's time for an angry entry.," I said. 2/2/05 09:23am « What I hear:  What I feel:  aggravated » « What I hear:  What I feel:  Warren Zevon - Desperados Under the Eaves » My great uncle, William Valia, just passed away on Tuesday morning at approximately 5:00am, EST. He had been fighting leukemia for quite sometime, and it wasn't going all too well before. But, c'est la vie...this man worked his tail off all his life, and he accomplished everything he needed to accomplish. He can be considered one of the few people who could have said "I'm leaving this place behind with no worries." He certainly was and is an inspiration to us all. We'll miss ya, Uncle Bill. You know...I've found out a LOT about some recent ex-girlfriends these past days...and it's just made me feel like even less than nothing...that I had been fooled and lied to even more than I once thought...then the passing of my uncle...and I just...I feel like I don't have anything...and I hear these fucking people saying "I think my girlfriend/boyfriend is losing interest in me", etc. etc. Well you know what, assholes?! I've NEVER had a faithful girlfriend in my life, EVER! Thirteen of them are lesbians, some are married, some have kids and two are dead, and you know what? One of my favorite family members in the world...one of the greatest people that has ever walked this planet, is gone. And I think that just about fucking trumps "My girlfriend is bored" a HUNDRED FUCKING TIMES OVER!!! I need to go. I'm losing it here. I'm sorry. give yourself up

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"Whee! Haven't updated this journal in FOREVER. <3," I said. 1/28/05 08:58am « What I hear:  What I feel:  cold » « What I hear:  What I feel:  Grand Funk Railroad - Some Kind of Wonderful » No, I haven't. It's time for one. For all those of you whom I haven't spoken to lately, I'm so sorry. My phone has been acting up, and I haven't been able to use it all that much, between the bill and getting in trouble over my grades. Oh, shit, that's right. Not all of you know about my accomplishments last semester! I passed two out of five classes last semester, one of them barely. Dad wants to pull my tuition, but I still have one semester left to bring it back. And it's going to happen, Goddamnit. I know I say it everytime, but... ...well, anyways. I'm not really allowed online when my mother is home and around; she says it inhibits me from working to my academic potential. What would be nicer is for her not to be so fucking caustic and mean to me. Whatever. I'll deal as best I can, accomplish what I need to, knock out the gen. ed. classes I need to knock out, and concentrate on my major. Then, all I need to do is find a job and move the fuck out of New Jersey. Who's coming with me?! =) I also have some interesting information on a few people in my life. I won't name so many names, but I've discovered some things about people from my mast that, most likely, will no longer be parts of my life any further. Marcie, after disappearing for who knows how long (a year at the very least), has decided to let me get in touch with her very briefly, has decided to shut me out of her life. Whatever. She says that she has changed, and I haven't, and because of that fact, she no longer feels the need to keep any connections with me. Fine. Peace be with you, Marcie; I wish nothing but the best for you. Billie, well...Goddamn, I don't even know where to begin, what with with the lies, the stabs in the back, the double-talking, and the giving up of everything there was completely. You're on your own. I'll be around for a good conversation, but that's about it. You're on your fucking own. New pictures, new icon, new stuff!! ^_^ ( My friends and I ) Whee. I'm gonna go. It's so unbelievably cold, and when I go outside, the contents of my nose quickly solidify. >.<; -Sniffle.- give yourself up

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"Whaaattt," I said. 6/3/04 11:17am « What I hear:  What I feel:  sad » « What I hear:  What I feel:  Black Sabbath - Paraniod (Live) » Awesome, so my computer is working again! ^^; I dunno what was wrong with it, but for some odd reason, I couldn't connect to the internet. O.o; Whatever, though. At least it's working again, now. ^^; Thank God, I thought I was gonna -die- with this fuckin' thing not working! I mean, c'mon, no AIM, no LiveJournal, no Gaia Online, no email checking...no NOTHING. >.<; But, c'est la vie, at least it works, now. So, I'm going to Sarah (my ex-girlfriend)'s prom tomorrow. I get to wear a tuxedo, so rest assured, there'll be plenty of new pics with me looking like a Goddamned penguin. XD But, ya know. It's cool. It's a basic black tux with a white shirt, black bow tie and black vest. Oh, and shiny shoes. Yeah, shiny shoes're cool. But, yeah. It should be cool, and like I said, the moment I get some pics, you'll see 'em. *Sighs* ...ever get the haunting feeling that someone really close to you is lying to you, and you can't see a good reason to? *Shakes head* And what hurts the most is, they don't even know they're doing it? give yourself up

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"O.O;," I said. 5/26/04 11:05am « What I hear:  What I feel:  amused » « What I hear:  What I feel:  B?la Fleck and the Flecktones - Blue Mountain Hop » If I were a South Park character...I'd be...like this! ( O.o; ) ...ehh? Ehhh? *Nudge nudge* Wanna try it yourself? Go here! http://www.southparkstudios.com/games/ It's the third one down. XD give yourself up

"Hmm...fitting.," I said. 5/26/04 10:20am « What I hear:  What I feel:  tired » « What I hear:  What I feel:  Sublime - Santeria » PARENTAL ADVISORY SHUICHIGABBIANI CONTAINS EXPLICIT LYRICS Username: From Go-Quiz.com Speaking of which, waiting for the bus to work in the rain FUCKING SUCKS. give yourself up

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"Wow...LOTS of shit to update," I said. 5/22/04 01:25am « What I hear:  What I feel:  disappointed » « What I hear:  What I feel:  Something other than Keith Emerson... » Whew, it's been some time since I've posted here, eh? Well, let me throw some info out there at ya. For the past couple of weeks, I've been extraordinarily excited about having tickets to go see the Keith Emerson Band at the B.B. King Blues BAr/Grill in New York.I've been pent and pent and pent up for days and days, and finally, today arrived. My father and I drove into the city, and there was a bit of traffic, but otherwise,k it was just fine. =3 Here's the scoop: when we got into the club, we were in a standing room - for those of you who don't know what that means, it means you're standing throughout the entire show, working to see beyond other standing room audience members while people in front of you sit comfortably and enjoy dinner, right in front of your face. But that's okay. I mean, shit, this was one of Keith Emerson's only U.S. appearances, so it was gonna be awesome! And he started out with America, which is a damn good piece. The guitarist (Dave Kilmister) blew me away. The drummer (Pete Riley) was, without a doubt, fucking stellar. And the bassist (Phil Williams) was solid as a rock. Keith Emerson was fucking sloppy. There was no continuity between lines of piano, organ, or whatever other synthesized sound there was; he had terrible rhythm and timing, and if not for the rest of the band, he may as well have been replaced by someone who could keep it together better than he could. The first set was shit, anyway; a ton of solo stuff that nobody wanted to hear. The second set, things improved; ALL E.L.P. material. It was excellent. Lucky Man, Hoedown, Tarkus (ALL of it!), and Fanfare for the Common Man. Now, tell me this. Throughout all of this, how could he NOT have played Karn Evil #9 AT ALL, even for the encore?!?! What the fuck?! Goddamnit, this is it. I've had it with these goddamn classic rock artists, once hailed as legends in their own time, to be playing these 'comeback' tours, having tickets set at ridiculous prices, and then coming out and sucking?! Justlike my uncle said this evening (we saw him at the show): "I ended up seeing Tesla a few weeks ago with a friend of mine. It sucked, because they used to be great back in the day, and then I ended up seeing a bunch of middle-aged guys wearing leather and metal, and sounding absolutely terrible." Well, I give up. We ended up driving my (slightly inebriated) uncle home to Ridgewood, NJ. Of course, this was an extra 45 minutes out of our way, and by the time my father and I both got home, we were worn. And here I am, now. Fucking tired and fed up. Fuck you, Keith Emerson. Fuck you for sucking. Sucking badly. Sucking horrifically. ...okay, you weren't that bad. But you were a sloppy bitch. And you didn't play Karn Evil #9. And admit it; the Moog was for show. You didn't need it. Bitch. give yourself up

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